I am staying in a One Room Apartment at an older Condominium Complex in Durham. It used to be located directly across the street from the DFC (That's what the staff and clients all call the center. It's a lot quicker than saying and or writing the whole name). However, the Center moved in August to a new building about 2.3 miles from here. The closest place to stay now is the Millenium Hotel, but they didn't have any bigger rooms available for the time I was here, and I couldn't deal with the idea of being restricted to a single room hotel room for the next 6 weeks.
My room is certainly adequate, if a bit old. They recently "re-furbished" some of the units into "premium" apartments, and I have one of those. For an extra $10 a day I get Pergo Floors, and a flat screen TV in the Living area and the bedroom. In fact I am pretty sure that this is the actual unit I am staying in. It reminds me a lot of the apartment I had at USC, only that one had more dishes in the sink.
More on life here in Durham later, but first, i recorded these thoughts over the past few days. I had written them in a little memo on my Blackberry, sort of my own little journal about things, and I figure I may as well post them here.
Saturday October 4th, written on the plane
I am not looking forward to being gone from my family for the next 6 weeks. I know that Valerie will be coming out to visit and and Skype will let me and the kids stay in touch, but I wonder how they will change while I am gone. At times it seems that they change so gradually that it is hard to notice it, right up until it slaps you in the face. Other times you can watch them change right before your eyes. I am just afraid that the next few weeks will be a sea of change for them, and I am going to miss it. Will Paige still be Daddy's little girl when I get back, or will I fade from her life a little bit every day? Some times it feels like Trey is growing up so fast that there is little time to reinforce the things I want him to recognize as important, will this time away keep me from having that influence?
Pulling myself out of the world of self pity I can step back and realistically think that it will not make that big a difference, and in reality it will probably enhance my relationship with both of them in the long run. If I am healthier I will be able to be even more involved with them. I'll be less tired, have more energy and in general be in a better mood. If I am in a better mood there will be more patience and more laughter. Not to mention the obvious fact that I'll be around longer.
Perhaps the real reason that I am so depressed about going has less to do with being away, although it is going to be hard, and more to deal with the fact that I am pretty disgusted with my own self at letting it go this long. Being unable to make the changes I should without taking this drastic of a measure. Its not that difficult, I know what foods are good, and which ones are not. I know that exercise is important, I have the time to do it, yet there is always a reason not to.
What I need to figure out is why I make the bad decisions. Why I always think that tomorrow is the day that I will start making the right choices.
It's time for tomorrow to be today.
Sunday, October 5th
Wow is is hard to find anything in this town. I'm sure its got a lot to do with the fact that I haven't figured out the City yet, but it is very spread out. A typical east coast layout, older downtown area with all the major retailers out a ways.
I went to "Super Target" to pick up soap, soda etc. It was quite possibly the biggest retail store I have ever been in, bigger than a Costco back home.
Its about 30 minutes until the orientation starts. The one thing that I forgot to do prior to coming was my " Three day Food Record", which is exactly what it sounds like. I made one up, and its probably close to accurate, but I wish I had remembered it was supposed to be done. I guess I should have re-read the orientation materials before I got on the plane.
I know that this whole process will be good for me in the long run. I also know that I am incredibly lucky to be able to go through it. Between the cost of the program, housing, rental car, air fare and other miscellaneous expenses its not cheap. Apparently the enrollment in the program is noticing it as well. I was told that they have the ability to handle an enrollment of 150 people at a time. I hear the current census is 50.
The final meal before orientation? Japanese Pan Noodles with Beef at a place called "Noodles & Company"
First thought...I am the thinnest person here.
At Orientation we are given notebooks that contain information, schedules and basically all the power-point slides for all the lectures here. There are lectures scheduled for everyday, some are mandatory, some are not. Some are applicable to me, some are not (for instance, I don't plan on attending the Women's Issues Round table discussion), so if you are in town, I may be free on Wed at 4:00). Also contained in the folder is a schedule of all my initial appointments with the various departments; Medical, Behavioral Health, Fitness, Nutrition, and of course, Accounting. My appointments begin tomorrow at 1:00, and the final initial consultation is with the Nutrition Department on Wednesday.
Other Orientation thoughts
- I have to pass a swim test
- Consumption of Alcohol is discouraged, unless on "staff guided exercises" (this refers to a trip out to a restaurant for dinner) In fact we all sign a Drug/Alcohol memorandum
Our first dinner:
Canneloni; Half cup of Brussel Sprouts; Small Mixed Fruit bowl
Take home Snack
4 whole grain crackers and a half ounce of Peanut Butter
First lecture of the day, is on Meal Planning. Surprisingly it is a fairly complex process. There are essentially set meals for Breakfast and Lunch, and a choice of two dinners. However, if you don't like certain things, you can modify the menus using a set of "always available items". The current recommendation for me is to have between 1200-1500 calories per day.
The other thing I notice, is that the Dieticians are damn skinny.
I see the Dr. after Lunch. Seems nice enough, tells me that I am actually under the BMI of their average client. We spend a bit of time discussing Sunday nights Angels/Red Sox game, he's a sox fan. He places no restrictions on my activities, and gives me a red dot on my ID card. We all wear ID badges, and have to have them on at all times in the facilities. Well, most of the time. They told me (because I asked) that you don't have to wear them in the pool. The red dot means that I am cleared for light exercise in the gym. It will be replaced by a green dot after my initial consultation with the fitness department. Oh, my initial starting weight....290.6. A BMI of 38.3, under the average of 40 for clients. I feel good about that. [Later I figure out that I am only 13 lbs away from being at a BMI of 40].
It already feels like I have been here for a while, and there is a lot of sitting around so now I have my red dot, I walk on the treadmill for 40 minutes before our final session of the day which is a mandatory gym orientation.
The evening "take" home snack is always a choice of an apple, or some crackers with peanut butter. I have been taking the 4 whole Wheat Crackers with 1/2 and ounce of peanut butter.
Tuesday October 7th
Have to see the vampires in the lab first thing this morning. I am now sporting a "Garfield" band aid.
Then it's a basic nutrition lecture
- An extra 251 calories a day in excess of your bodies needs would lead to a 26lb weight gain over the period of a year.
- Weight loss comes through nutrition, Weight Maintenance comes through exercise
- The 1/2 life of a Caffeine molecule is 12 hours
followed by a 15 minute lecture on your diet options.
Duke is the only residential weight loss facility that isn't married to one dogmatic menu type. You can choose a Traditional Duke Diet, which is 165g carbs per day. A modified Low Carb plan which is 100-130g of carbs, then there are two Low Carb options. The Interim Carb level which is 60-90g of Carbs or the Very Low Carb plan, which is 35-50g of Carbs
The problem is that as a client you have to figure out what you want, and how to allocate it all. In the long run it is a good thing to learn, in the short term its damn confusing. It took me a long time to figure out my menu for this week, and that was without trying to get it to fit into a "plan"
Next is a lecture from the director of the clinic. The Title was "Obesity and Inactivity - Reaching Your Goals. It's essentially another orientation/motivation lecture.
- This is a medical facility, and privacy is key. If you want to take someone's picture you have to obtain a signed release from them
- The constant mantra here is "lifestyle change". The program isn't about losing weight, it's about supplying you with the tools you need you need to have to empower yourself to make the changes necessary to survive in the "real world"
- Another thought that is tossed about it how we all live in an "obesity encouraging environment". A commonly used example that they throw out to show how we as a society are "engineering" physical activity our of our everyday life...Automatic Car Windows.
After lunch I have my initial consultation with the Behavioral Health department (the shrinks), and then the Fitness Department.
I'll spare you the details of the shrink. The Fitness "prescription"
4-6 days a week of Cardio. 30 to 60 minutes per day. The Target Heart Rate they gave me was between 106-142. That seems low to me and I asked her about it. She said if I could make the time at a higher heart rate then go ahead. No high impact cardio because I am still having this pain in my hip.
2-3 days a week of Strength/Resistance Training. 2-3 sets, 10-15 reps per set, using a total body strength routine.
Flexibilty Stretching / Mind - Body (Yoga, Tai Chi) 4-7 days per week, Stretch after all workouts and try some Yoga and one or two of the "stretch" classes.
So, I scheduled some time with a Trainer, Walked on the Treadmill again, and scheduled a golf lesson.
Then it was dinner, which I was really hungry for. and home. But, not before I stopped to get an Obama/Biden sticker for my rental car. Hertz will love me.
I had one more set of thoughts today that I wanted to share:
One of the things I realized today, is in all my preparation to come here, and all of my anxiety about being away from the kids, my wife, the Dogs, the sporting events, well you get the picture, I never looked at it from the other side.
My being here, with nothing to worry about but myself has placed a huge burden on Val. Now, the kids have one parent to seek attention from, instead of two. I am not there to play with Paige, while Treys homework gets done. I know that I couldn't have done this without Val's emotional support, but I never really considered the fact that my being gone increased her workload and the demands on her. So, I just want to let her know that I appreciate her and her efforts to support my doing this in oh so many ways.
Thanks hun, you ROCK and I love you
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